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The Aquilian

The Aquilian

The future of Gonzaga

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It’s 30 years in the future. Student Services is at the peak of its reign of power. They control everything, keeping an eye on every student at all times. Gonzaga has descended into complete tyranny.

No more chirping allowed at athletic events. The most they’ll allow is “Hey, Number 22; your shoe’s untied!”  Beware though, because even that’s toeing the line. 

After multiple complaints about the “God is purple” chant, it was completely banned due to claims of heresy. “God is not purple,” they said. “God transcends color.” Yes, we know. 

Freshmen now flood the front rows of sporting events because having them stand in the back is discriminatory. 

Prom is now an all-night sleep over in the gym. After a final attempt trying to hold students until 3 a.m. a few years ago, they realized that Gonzaga students will simply always find a way to party. After-parties didn’t start until 4 a.m. that year. By the time the party was over, it was darty time. They realized they literally have to lock students in the whole night to keep them from having more fun. 

All articles of clothing must be Gonzaga. This includes shoes, socks, backpacks and yes, even underwear. They won’t hesitate to check. 

There hasn’t been a WCAC champion from Gonzaga in 20 years. One would assume this is a result of Gonzaga placing a greater emphasis on academics, but no. Students still seem to be getting less intelligent each year. 

The exceptional academics and athletics Gonzaga used to be known for is now a distant memory of the past. 

This all begs the question, what is to be done to combat this tragedy? The good news is it’s not too late. There are a few steps I will outline that can allow Gonzaga to return to its former glory.

First, the relationship between Student Services and students must be repaired. Many students feel like their relationship with student services has been damaged in recent years. Students constantly check over their shoulders, haunted by the possibility of a faculty member pinning them down for even the most minor of offenses. 

This relationship needs to be built on and strengthened. It must be one that’s formed around Student Services “serving” the students, not controlling them. The sheer amount of JUG given out on a daily basis has caused it to become de-stigmatized. Make JUG something a student should truly feel ashamed of receiving, not something to easily laugh off and tell all your friends about. 

However, students must do better, as well. Hold each other accountable so Student Services doesn’t have to. Once you prove to them and the administration that you are capable to some extent of patrolling the hallways, a greater trust will be granted from the administration. Students continually display concerningly dumb behavior, and I believe it has greatly contributed to the degradation of a true Gonzaga community in recent years.

Also, freshmen, you have to start respecting upperclassmen. I remember back in my days as a freshman I was terrified of seniors. I saw them as people to look up to and respect. That same respect is nearly non-existent now. Respect seniors so when you get to your fourth year you can appreciate it and not take your status among students for granted. 

As I said before, it’s not too late. Compatibility and the willingness to change is key for both sides. I believe the Eagles will one day fly high again.

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